Today

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Today I'm back to work. I feel... better, I suppose. Sleeping all day yesterday seems to have helped my general over-all feeling. I feel much more in control of my emotions, at least for now. After I picked Alek up from daycare yesterday evening, I decided to take him to the park. I felt like such a slug for just laying around sleeping all day - figured I could let The Boy run around and burn off some energy and do something interesting with him for once. We had fun. I basically sat and watched him climb on everything and slide down all the slides. He had a blast. I took a ton of pictures, maybe I'll post them after while. It was nice to do something "normal" with him for once - he deserves to have all those fun kid things and not always a sick mommy who won't take him places. It felt good to be out with him, watching him have fun at the park, even though I didn't feel my best. He's a great kid. He cried when we left because of course he wanted to stay for a couple more hours. I bought him a Happy Meal on the way home and he ate every bite and drank all the Orange drink. Now I've got to catch up on everything I didn't do yesterday. I'll probably write more later...

Side Note...

... Just called the doctor's office and they offered to prescribe the weaker dose of the Procrit/Epogen. The cost to me? $860 a vile. 1 vile = 2 injections or 2 weeks worth. Big whoop. I still don't have $860 so this solves nothing.

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I've been a mess these last couple of days. Several times at work I've closed the door to my office and just cried my eyes out. I still feel physically rotton. I've had the hardest time trying to hold it together. So today I was in complete overwhelm with this new "situation", both emotionally and physically. I decided to just call in sick and spend the day at home trying to figure some things out. After all, what good am I at work if all I do is spend my time on the phone talking with the insurance company and the doctors' offices? I called and left a message saying I was taking a sick day, because I felt horrible and that I had some things I needed to handle. I got a call promptly at 9:30 from my boss. She chewed me out for awhile saying that I was inconveniencing her so much by not being there today. She had things for me to do and blah blah blah. Of course she again held over my head the fact that I have every other Friday off and "why couldn't you handle these things on your day off?" (right like I can pick the days I feel sick). Because SHE has a screwed up schedule that only puts HER in the office on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays she took personal offense to me "choosing a day when she was in the office to be out". Then she went off on this LONG spiel about how I should know by now (because God knows how many times SHE'S told me) I need to just stop going to medical doctors and go to an alternative doctor so he/she can fix me. When I said that it all boiled down to money (alternative doctors rarely take insurance) she said I should just "find some" so I could get better. She guilt tripped me to the point of tears. Why is this any of her fucking business? Why does she feel the need to make things HARDER on me when I already feel bad enough as it is? If I was made of money you'd better believe that I would try just about ANYTHING (including alternative medicine) to feel better and get better. Every day she has this "I told you so" attitude when she asks how I'm feeling and I say not so great. And why is it, that I work 40 hours a week just like everyone else, and am entitled to my paid sick days that *I* am the only one who gets a phone call when I actually DO call in sick? For crying out loud. I've said before and I'll say again - I do a KICK ASS job at what I do. No one should be complaining if I call in sick for ONE day.

Another Low Day

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I found out last evening at 5 PM - just as I was about to leave work - that these injections of Procrit/Epogen I'm suppose to get will cost me $1600 for one vile of medicine. There is no way I have that sort of cash. It doesn't matter if one vile is for one injection or 10 - I don't have that money. The insurance says it will reimburse me some of the cost (although they were quite illusive to exactly how much) but I have to pay for it up front and then send in claim forms.

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