Discouraging News

*sigh* Every day I realize that I am NOT GETTING BETTER. In fact, I am getting worse. No matter how I feel or how good I think I'm feeling, the facts (my lab tests) show my kidneys are failing... even faster now. The Procrit shots for my anemia are not working. My blood count hasn't even come up slightly. In fact, last time I had my hematocrit checked it was actually lower than before. The shots are not working because my iron level is too low (your body can't make blood without iron, artificially stimulated or not... iron is essential for blood production regardless of the Procrit injections) - the oral iron I am taking isn't doing the trick. My body just can't absorb it. I will now have no choice but to submit myself to getting IV iron treatments for several weeks (once a week for several hours I will have to sit at a cancer treatment center among patients getting chemo so I can be pumped full of iron through an IV). My insurance won't cover the IV iron. Darn. Drat. Dangit. My creatine is up to 3.8 - an all time high. It just keeps climbing and my kidney function keeps dropping. Its so scary. Some days I want to just ignore the doctors. Ignore the tests. Ignore my stupid, stupid kidneys. If I could gouge them out with a spoon I think I would, just to spite them. So there. Who needs stupid kidneys, anyway?